Well, that didn’t go as planned.
Four days out from the 2019 Green Mountain Stage Race, I’m not riding my bike. In the past week, I’ve developed Achilles tendinitis, pain and tightness in my lower calf accompanied by the occasional burning sensation and internal sobbing. That last part isn’t a normal symptom, that’s just me.
I pushed my body too hard these last two weeks. Despite training a large but not unfamiliar amount – a workload that I’ve achieved many times in the past – for whatever reason, this time my Achilles just couldn’t handle it. I’ve felt lower calf tightness before, but never like this. Never four consecutive days of searing pain, an inability to ride, and an internal battle between desire and rationality.
What began as mild tenderness soon turned into chronic pain; I couldn’t – and still can’t – walk without pain. I injured myself all over again. First the crash, then bursting open my knee, getting sick, and now this. It’s been one of the most trying months of my life, internally but not externally. One moment I am on cloud nine – riding without pain and believing in myself. The next I feel the burn with every pedal stroke, an inability to pedal without pain, and a downward spiral into hopelessness.
But I cannot give up. I will not give up. There is so much ‘good’ right now in my life that I cannot take it for granted. My friends, family, teammates, and even strangers have supported me and drawn from my inspiration; to give up now would be a great disservice. For now, I must toe the line between stupidity and intelligence. I am going to race Green Mountain – after more than a few days off to rest my injured body – but with a different mindset. We have a number of incredible riders lining up for Project Echelon Racing at GMSR, and I will be helping them as much as I can, while also looking out for my own longevity. If I have to pull the plug, which is a very real possibility, it will be ok. I will accept it, and focus on the bigger picture. I may not win Green Mountain this year, but that’s not the point. My purpose, my goal, motivation, is to help the team. And after that, I’m already thinking about 2020…
Thank you to everyone who has followed my journey to this point. This isn’t over. Not quite yet.
#roadtoGMSR